So, I wanted to write a bit about Sid. But now that I try to put pen to paper, I'm not even sure where to start.

A little confession before I get too far into this. I'm kinda madly in love with him, so I am probably not going to be very objective here. Just, you know, for the record.

His name is Sidmara. Not sure if that's always been his name, or if he ever had a surname. He says he doesn't recall. He most often looks like a sort of cross between a man and a grey, striped tabby cat. He's just a little taller than me, which I think would put him around 5'10" or so. His ears are pointed, though they look a bit more like elf ears from a fantasy stories than cat ears. He can still move them around some, though. It's weird to watch. His eyes are yellow and the pupils are slitted in bright light, though they can get quite big and round when something catches his attention. He favors a sort of fluffy mohawk for a hairstyle, though like everything else, he can change that at will.

Right - I should probably talk about that. Sid's a shapeshifter. Most of it's subtle, like making his tongue rough or soft, or making his tail prehensile. Sometimes it's far less subtle! He showed me his 'hunting' form and, well... wow. He can basically change everything about himself just by thinking it. He says everyone in the Illway can learn to shapeshift, it just takes practice - but if that's the case, he's really, really good at it.

I'm trying to learn, but... he's a pretty crappy teacher, if I'm being honest. He says I just have to really want to change, and I will. Which doesn't help much! I've only ever changed the one time - that first time - and it feels pretty danged permanent. I mean, it's not that I'm not happy with it... I feel good, better than I ever did when I was human. I always said an extra pair of hands would come in - ahem - handy! But the wings get in the way sometimes, especially since I haven't figured out how to fly yet. It'd be nice to just... think them away for a while, and pop them out when I need them. Sid even grew a pair of wings to try and show me how. He says it's no different than how I just sort of know there'll be fresh food in the pantry, or that the flowers in the front garden will be blooming today... it's all a trick of the mind. Of willpower.

It just seems harder when it's myself I'm trying to change. So, yeah, I'm a little jealous how easy he makes it look.

He also hates clothes.

You get used to that pretty quick. He's just naked most of the time, and because it's not a big deal to him, it becomes normal. I learned that it's okay to ask him to wear pants when he sits on my furniture, just so he doesn't... you know, leave ball-and-buttprints on the chairs! He grumbles, but it's playful, and he'll always materialize some kind of outfit when I ask. Usually something gaudy and ridiculous. I get that he's poking fun at me a little, but I don't mind. It's part of our little game. Despite his protestations, he doesn't really seem to object that much, and I've started to look forward to the weird styles he comes up with.

Besides, maybe it's just that he doesn't want me to turn him away when there's food involved! There are three things Sid loves most - sex, food, and games. For a long time, I was nervous about the sex part, but he's a perfect gentleman if you're not interested.

Or if you are, but, like me, you have to admit it to yourself first.

So, for a long time, our relationship was mostly about food. I was curious about the Forest of Illway, and about him, so I'd cook or bake any recipe I could remember, and call him to visit so I could ply him with questions while he ate. Like I said before, food isn't real here, and none of us actually need to eat. People that do still eat do so more out of habit, or just from the joy that comes from food! In any case, he kept coming back, and complimenting every meal or treat. I thought he was humoring me at first, but it turned out he was being quite genuine. I've always enjoyed cooking, and he says the effort I put in to making food from scratch makes it taste better. Not many people cook, except maybe the folk who live in the village, and he knows they're not about to share it with him.

Because of what he is.

Okay, I'm dancing around the really important stuff. The stuff that's a little scarier and more... existential, I guess. The stuff I try not to think about too much.

It seems weird to call him a god - but what else could he be? I think he and Lyssa are about the same age, but other than that, they're older than anyone else here by quite a bit. He's like a part of the forest, or maybe he even is the forest. Does that make sense?

For one thing, he doesn't seem to live anywhere. I'm not sure where he goes when he's not interacting with people, and he's rubbish at describing what it's like to be, well, him. Maybe he just disappears, I don't know. I've been studying him long enough to have verified accounts of him seeming to appear in two places at the exact same time, though every experiment I've tried to actually see this happen has been a dud.

Because he can read my thoughts, he always knows what I'm up to - so if he's doing it intentionally, I can't catch him out on it. The thing is, I don't think he is. The way he talks about the Forest, it's like there are rules even he has to follow, though he doesn't really understand why. So, no seeing him appear two places at once, and the only time he appears without being called is when someone new comes to the forest. Any other time, you have to invite him before he appears - maybe before he even can appear. It's still a bit unclear.

As I mentioned in my last journal, it also seems to be proximity to him that makes people in the Illway change. Everyone does at least a little, over time, but the more you call Sid to you, the faster it goes. At least, I think that's how it works! It certainly did for me. The change might be subtle for some people, just a different-looking version of themselves... for others, everything changes. I'm not even the most extreme case, and I'm basically a fluffy, anthropomorphic bug. Simon and the Nymexis are sapient plants. There's a whole pack of full-on werewolves in the forest. Certainly the people who change the most also seem to be the ones who are closest to him... though that could just as well be one of those correlation-is-not-causation things.

What else?

Hmm. Wasn't sure if I wanted to mention this, but I'm trying to chronicle everything. There was this thing that happened once, probably the scariest thing since I've been here. Something felt... off, that day. I was out in the back garden, and I thought I heard him, just a whisper on the wind. We were still just friends at the time - this was before my change - but it was like he was trying to call to me, like he needed someone to talk to. I couldn't get him to appear until I formally summoned him, though.

When I did, the look on his face nearly broke my heart.

I've never seen him truly sad except for that day. He's always been so upbeat, sweet and kind and full of joy. But when I called him, his ears were down flat and he could hardly look me in the eye. When I offered him a hug, he gripped me so tight I could barely breathe, and I could feel his shoulders shaking.

And the whole of the Forest seemed to shudder along with him, like it could come apart at the seams at any moment.

He'd had to banish Lyssa, he said. I -

I think I'll talk more about that some other time. Sorry, I just realized I'm getting kind of emotional about it again. Lyssa was the first person I met here, so it's really hard for me to come to terms with what she tried to do. I will dedicate another journal to her - it's important - just not right now.

Suffice it to say, it was scary enough to realize I was literally holding a god while he wept, feeling his heartbeat and his breath and the fragility of this beautiful, strange world that's so closely tied to him.

I also realized he'd come to me for comfort. Me.

From everything I know, I'm pretty sure I was the only one, too. I think that was the point when I realized I wanted, maybe even needed, to stay in the Illway. And that I loved him.

The rest of it is far less dramatic, I suppose. I mean, it was pretty dramatic for me, but I talked about that already in my last journal. Changing, and all of that. Him and me becoming lovers.

It seems like it should be complicated, but it doesn't feel that way. He's polyamorous and he loves sex. He's extraordinarily open about it, so, like his nudity, it just seems like a natural part of him. He has a few close lovers - me, Cyri, Nash, and Simon, at the moment - though anyone who calls to him is welcome to an intimate encounter if they so wish. He doesn't care about gender, and he'll just as cheerfully take on a dominant role as a submissive one. Because he can do the whole appearing-in-two-places-at-once trick, he can attend to multiple lovers with equal enthusiasm. He doesn't expect any different from us, either; he wants us all to feel comfortable bedding whomever fulfills our needs at the time.

With Sid, sex is a huge part of who and what he is. He's like Pan or Eros; some part of his very nature is tied to his sexuality. It might also be why almost everyone called to the Illway is... let's just say we're all more or less on the kinky side. Being near Sid... I swear proximity to him just amplifies any amorous thoughts you might already have. It feels so good to just let go of any of the pointless guilt, shame, and inhibitions from that other life! Here in the Illway, pregnancy is impossible and disease doesn't exist. It's basically a sex-lover's paradise.

His paradise, but ours too. He's more than happy to share.

I mentioned the other thing Sid really likes is games. Yes, of course, there are plenty of his games that tie into the whole sex thing! Like his 'hunting' game, a kind of hide-and-seek where the winner gets to do whatever they want with their 'prey.' Cyri and Nash are both fans, naturally, but I guess that's to be expected of werewolves. But he genuinely likes the other kind too. Show him a new game he's never encountered before, and you'll have him fascinated for hours. He can materialize the game board and pieces you describe to him, and most things he pulls into the world seem to be pretty permanent. I've even managed to get a couple of my favorite board games to appear in the cupboard, though I'm never sure if they'll last like his do.

There's still a lot I don't know about him. Hell, there's still a lot he doesn't seem to know about himself. He doesn't know where he came from before the Illway, or if he's only ever existed here. He doesn't know why the Forest has the rules it does, or why there are only certain people he can bring here, and none of it appears to concern him much. He's very much a creature of the moment, reveling in life's sweetest indulgences, and his main goal is making sure those of us who choose to stay in the Forest of Illway are happy in this weird, wonderful place.