I'm Aubie.

Okay, wait - I should really document everything. The Forest has a way of making you forget things.

My full name is Aubrieta Elora Rose. I was twenty-eight years old when I came here, but I guess that really doesn't matter now. Aging stops when you're brought to the Illway, so I might as well still be twenty-eight now. I'm not sure how long I've been here - a few years, at least? Like I said, it makes you forget things. And it's hard to keep track of years when there are no real seasons.

I really should have started writing journals earlier. I can't even recall where I lived before this. Just that I was stuck in a dead-end job as a receptionist, and I was enjoying the relief of my one little yearly vacation. All I really remember was driving back to that cabin I'd rented, late at night. There was snow on the road, and I was tired. That's a bad combination on a winding mountain road. A moment's inattention was all it took, and the next thing I knew, the car wasn't on solid ground anymore.

For just a second, it felt like that wonderful steep first drop of a roller coaster. Like flying.

Time really does slow down when you know you're about to die.

Except, I didn't. There wasn't any pain, or impact. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I was here, in the middle of a completely different forest, kneeling on the soft grass near the Crossroads. It was daytime, comfortable and warm, and I was completely safe and sound.

What the fuck, right?

Lyssa was actually the first person I met. At the time, she still looked like a lovely young woman, pale, with long black hair and those pretty, dark eyes. She seemed kind, if a little aloof, maybe? Nothing like what she became later on. I never would have guessed that she'd... no, wait. I'll talk more about her another time. This journal's supposed to be about me.

She was the one who told me about this place. The Forest of Illway. She told me about the others who lived here, and about Sid, one of the most powerful beings that lives here. She warned me about him, said he was capricious and dangerous - but if I wanted to go back, I could call to him and ask. Sidmara had the power to put me back somewhere safe, and it'd just be one of those weird local stories: Woman mysteriously survives terrible crash and walks into the town convenience store the next day, shaken but perfectly healthy. Pure, crazy luck. A second chance at a life cut short.

Or, if I wanted to, I could stay.

Lyssa told me about a village, not far away. The forest was a place of monsters, she said, but the village was a safe haven for humans who'd found themselves here. She directed me down a path - but when I turned to thank her, she was gone.

I went down the path, but something strange happened. I could see the village up ahead. It just didn't feel... right, somehow. I looked around, and saw a side path that I was sure hadn't been there a moment before. It pulled at me, gentle but insistent. Despite Lyssa's warning, I knew it was the way I should go.

The path led to a cottage, and I entered without a moment of hesitation - because it was mine. I knew it beyond the shadow of a doubt. As soon as I saw it, it felt like coming home. Like it was someplace I'd seen waiting for me in my dreams, as cheesy as that sounds.

The cottage was straight out of a fairy tale: squat chimney, thatched roof, and all. It was perched right on the edge of a ridge overlooking the wide valley below, with a view of practically the whole forest. There was plenty of room alongside for that little garden I'd always wanted.

It was perfect.

Yeah, needless to say, I was skeptical. I was for a long time. I grew up on these kind of stories, you know? Someone falls out of the real world into some beautiful, wild fantasy - but it either turns out to be a trap with some scary monster waiting to gobble you up, or one of those allegories for growing up and letting go of the imaginary delights of our youth. If it was the former? Well, yeah, obviously I'd want to escape. But the so-called "monsters" Lyssa told me about never appeared - or at least, not in the way I expected. There are monsters, to be sure, but once you get to know them, they're about as dangerous as a box of kittens.

And if it was the the latter kind of story, the idea we should let go of joy and fantasy to "grow up?" I always thought that was silly. Why wouldn't you stay in the magical labyrinth with the goblin king, or the fabulous Emerald City? That's the funny thing, though... if you ever read the Wizard of Oz books, Dorothy does return to Oz, and eventually ends up living there permanently. If you had the choice between the boring real world or a marvelous fantasy world, would you really want to leave?

So, I stayed. I was hesitant at first, uncertain about venturing too far from the safe haven of my cottage. It was kind of lonely. This place is so fascinating, though, and weird - the longer I stayed, the more I wanted to figure it out. Where did my cottage come from? How does the forest just... keep going? You can pick a direction and start walking, but you'll always end up at the Crossroads eventually. From there, it's easy to find your way to any of the major landmarks: the village, or the church ruins, or my own cottage. Is the forest really all there is? How big is it, really? Why do people turn up here? What about the rumors that the beastfolk were once human, too? Okay, hang on... I'll talk about the Forest in another journal. Or probably several journals - there's a lot to say!

Eventually, I remembered what Lyssa said - that I could call this "Sidmara" person. He had the power to send me back home. She'd made him sound so strange, like some kind of wild, terrible forest god.

I thought about calling him, just to talk - after all, Lyssa's other warnings had proven not to be so accurate. Still, I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk it. Then, one day, I was studying some of the weirder aspects of the Forest - and some of what I found really scared me. In a panic, I called out to him, the way she told me to. I thought I really did want to leave.

No sooner had the words left my mouth, he appeared. Sid's... oh, I don't even want to start trying to describe him here! I will write more on him later, I promise. For the moment, I'll just say that he's nothing like I expected. He's kind, charming, funny... and startlingly attractive, given the whole part-cat thing. Flirty, but not pushy about it. And, well... okay, yes, he's very strange. But not in some weird mystical way. Sid is just... Sid.

We talked for hours that first time, and he put me at ease in a way nothing else had. I told him how I wanted to... I guess sort of document this place? Study it, and him, to try and understand how it all works. He seemed quite enthusiastic, but most especially when I offered him the little teacakes I'd managed to bake. I didn't think they'd turned out that good - I was really just experimenting! - but he loved them. We ate the entire batch while we talked, and I found myself wanting to try out a few more recipes from memory, to see what he thought of them - anything to keep him talking!

Okay, I know I said I was going to keep this about me, but I guess it's pretty important to mention a few things about the Illway. For one, food isn't exactly... real here. The pantry of my little cottage was completely stocked when I arrived - flour, sugar, mixing bowls and measuring cups, fruit on the counter, dried meats, spices in jars. You name it! And it's always full. Anything I need is right there when I want it, including seeds for my garden, books in the library - I even found a microscope once.

But regarding food, Sid told me no one has to eat here. You can just... stop, and it won't do you any harm. Most people keep eating purely out of habit, or because they enjoy it. And he loves food! Apparently he doesn't get cooked meals that often. He can create it himself - literally will things into existence! - but he says it's different when someone else makes it. Something about the care put into it. I asked if he was the one refilling my own supplies, but he says that's all me. I'm not sure how that's possible, but again... the Forest has its own rules.

So, yeah... I tried several new recipes - writing down the good ones so I don't forget! - and he kept coming back. Turns out food is an easy way to make friends with Sid.

The thing is, the longer you're here, the more this place gets to you. Seeps into you, maybe. It makes you want to stay. You really do start to change, to forget your life before, to truly become part of the Illway.

I guess I should talk about the change a little here, too. For some people, it's subtle at first - they stop aging. Everyone here does. Most forms of illness disappear, others regress and vanish over the course of months or years. Maybe they get a little burlier, or they can run faster - any of a number of little changes. Sid says it's them becoming more like themselves, or maybe more like how they see themselves. The folk living in the Illway's one and only village are like that - they pride themselves on the fact that they've remained human, but even they're different from how they arrived in small ways. Even if they refuse to admit it.

But for many, like me, the change is far different.

There was this little character I used to doodle when I was young. See, I love moths. I always thought they were prettier than butterflies, and it made me sad that people acted like they were ugly or creepy. My doodle friend was upright like a person, but she had four arms, big, pretty wings, and those cute feathery antennae. In a way, she was me. I used to imagine what it would be like to fly.

I woke up one morning, and the antennae were there, sprouting from a little above my eyebrows, fully formed, as though they'd always been there. At first, it didn't even occur to me that something was different. They felt completely natural. I could move them around independently, no different than moving my arms. I could pick up the scent of every spice in my cabinets, every flower and ripening fruit in my garden. I could feel the tiniest whiff of a breeze wafting through the cottage. I could even tell the direction smells were coming from! It all seemed perfectly normal.

When I realized what happened, though, I kind of freaked out. I almost even looked in a mirror - and you do not want to do that here! - I was just that scared. I stopped contacting Sid, tried to talk to the people in the village, see how they avoided the change... but they shunned me. They shun anyone who changes, like it's some kind of infection that could spread to them. Who knows? They might actually be right.

I get it. Once you start to change, to truly change, you can no longer leave this place. You're tied to the Illway forever.

Or hell, maybe you can still leave, and that's where the Mothman came from. I don't know.

It took me a while to work through my own fears, and all that time, Sid maintained a respectful distance. He doesn't like to come when he's not called, even after I told him he was welcome to visit me anytime. It's just part of the rules of this place, he said. Even he doesn't fully understand it.

The next time I called him, I tried to play it off like it was no big deal, but he knew. He can read my freaking mind, so of course he knew. But he's so damned gentle and sweet, I couldn't help myself. I just... poured my heart out to him, while he held me in his arms. I told him about all my fears, but how I felt about the Forest, and how I felt about him.

He said he loved me too.

And then I kissed him. Or he kissed me. It's hard to tell, but it was very, very mutual.

I know Sidmara. I know what he is, what allowing myself to get close to him would do, and I did it anyway. I let go, gave myself up to him completely.

In retrospect, I can't say that I regret a single thing. Having sex with a being that's... essentially a god? Highly recommended. Heh. I'm kind of surprised I held out as long as I did. Let's just say he puts his shapeshifting abilities to some intriguing uses. He knew every touch that would drive me wild. When I came, it was waves of exquisite heat thrumming through every last nerve ending of my body, and it lasted so long I forgot to breathe. An orgasm, but something more.

The weird thing is, I didn't feel any different. I felt like this was how I'd always been. But I'd changed. Fully, completely changed.

I held him close with four arms, just breathing into his soft grey fur. He was stroking a hand down the back of my head, and the sensation was amazing. I never wanted him to stop. I wanted him to hold me like that, stroking my new fur, and just stay inside me forever.

Sid was smiling as he described the changes to me. I could tell from his voice - because I still didn't want to open my eyes. Four arms. Pale grey and white fur. And wings. Wings! It was like a dream.

After a few minutes, I finally looked up at him. He kissed me again, and whispered gentle encouragement in my ear. We risked a mirror - he'd protect me if she appeared, but fortunately, she didn't - and I truly saw myself for the first time.

It felt... so right.

Things did change after that. Of course they did. I'm still very curious about this place, but I guess it has less... urgency, now? I'll be here a long time. Forever, maybe, if I let myself believe that's possible. My little cottage has become a mainstay of the Forest of Illway, a friendly place for newcomers to visit and learn. I'll keep journaling and collecting peoples' stories - and, of course, welcoming them with a smile and a warm meal, if that's what they need.

I understand now. It's not a perfect fantasy world - it has its flaws, no doubt! - but it still feels like I'm where I should be.

Sid, my dear-friend-turned-lover, let me in on a secret. Sometimes, when people come here, their arrival fundamentally changes the landscape of the Forest. My cottage appeared the moment I did, like it had been here all along. He calls us 'cornerstones' - people who, just by being here, expand and shape this place. People who may even become like him someday.

I'm not sure I believe that, but it's a nice thought. Some kind of meaning behind the strangeness of this new life of mine.

In the meantime, I'm pretty content. I've found a place here, a keeper of lore and knowledge. One of Sidmara's lovers, his family. A home.

What more is there to come? I have no idea, but I look forward to finding out.

And learning to fly.